Surrender, My Birth Story


Wednesday, September 6, 2017

last bumpie after my water broke // 40w 4d

3:28am // Water breaks

Labor at home for 4.5 hours

8am // Arrive at hospital, 3cm dilated

Pump to naturally induce labor for 5 hours

3pm // Epidural + Pitocin, 4.5cm dilated


8pm // 10cm dilated

Push for 2.5 hours

10:30pm // Fever + infection, Selah’s heart rate gets erratic


11pm // Selah arrives via emergency c-section at 8lbs 13oz // 20in.

look at that cone head!

A couple months back, I sent my husband this article about the importance of dads taking candid photos of mom + baby, as a way to genuinely capture moments. This would be his first candid. I hate it. It’s right after my c-section and I’m unconscious (sedated after c-section). The amount of pain + stress I was in at the moment of sedation, is somehow frozen on my…

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My Journey

I’m not searching for happiness; I’m not searching for anything. My goal is peace within myself. No place , person or thing will grant you with your happiness besides yourself and God. When you have peace, joy and happiness will naturally come. Trust in your journey. I’ve struggled/ struggling  with myself and tried to fill voids through others , which only led me to the same place. Alone time is necessary, and not just a few hours , but take months,  a year or 2. Fixing a temple takes longer than a day. I take pride in my journey and for the people who unconsciously made me wake up, thank you. I will achieve peace and love and give it right back to the world .

The introduction of a flower who has changed colors

Welcome !

I’m very bad with introductions; the whole concept of “tells us about yourself”somewhat freaks me out. Any who, this is my blog. I named myself The Darksunflower  about 3 years ago solely based off of my hair, not until now do I really understand why I have chosen this persona. Dark; which relates to my hurt, pain , heartache, depression, and loss in life, but also my spiritual journey mix with me being very superstitious and curious about magic. I think every women would see themselves as a flower, all beautiful and different in their own was. I have naturally curly hair, which is just as wild and crazy as my soul; sunflower.

This blog will consist of poetry, daily thoughts, and a peek into my average life. Connect, love and grow with me through this journey of a life a call The Darksunflower.

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